Cogito Roulette

I think therefore I aim and fire
at the general space of my awareness
not knowing if my luck will hold
if brain death would be bad or good

I have spun the karmic wheel
in search of an eternal fate
the curt verdict of a pistol
with five soft clicks and a single missile
that promises sudden Armageddon

otherwise my search for a unified being
with body and mind accepting each other
must continue out of range

I do not actually own a revolver
only an endless supply of pills
to launch at symptoms beyond the wall
of consciousness where my health lies prone
and praying for rescue or a stray bomb
to end the nightlong strafing from nowhere

I find myself on both sides of a border
an idle forefinger probes my temple
for a way to soothe the pressure
some system of knowledge to simplify
this painfully stark duality