Posthumously, Gwen John

the word posthumous
does not mean after death
from the latin—
post
meaning after
and humus
meaning the earth
—it confirms that desert
after this minor shock of life when
the earth changes mouth for mud.
i am surrounded by august men
all strut all temper
the world loves an open palm.
one called me melopomene
said the word Love
love, i replied
and found that iron word
wrote the latch on a door
flesh and stone
who can tell the difference
both belong to the soil
what is real
cannot be captured in a sitting
it is a composite
like the posthumous body
it is always becoming.
nor can it be loved from a distance.
one must begin by painting the subject
and carry on painting the subject
until the lines are blurred:
between the light and the shadow
green and yellow
between the skin and the air
subject and paint
falls the shadow.
i painted the way i loved
to gesture at this
that whatever you paint
you are painting yourself
whatever you love
ditto.