The Petty Shop

Welcome to our Petty Shop.
We sell grievances and grudges galore.
We've got knock-down prices on spite
and chagrin has hit the floor.
Envy's always on sale and bitterness
is half-off no matter what your business.
Last week we did a blow-out on revenge
and customers went on a spending binge.
This week we're doing a special on pride,
so don't be greedy, folks, don't be snide,
30% off while supplies last —
Take it easy there, not so fast.
Step into The Petty Shop, grab yourself
a grab-bag, check out our bargain base-ment,
and see what you can save on iniquity,
compare our prices on human frailty,
we beat the competition on imperfection
and petty vice is our special confection.
Every day's a deal-day at The Petty Shop.
It's a buyer's market. Can you hack it?
Hell, no, that is no mean pitch or racket!
Our policy is your displeasure: Non Caveat Emptor.
Sure, bring along the wife, we wouldn't dare exempt her.
No haggling necessary at any time.
It's not like buying here’s a crime.
Our shelves are always stocked and full,
they even replenish themselves, and that's no bull.
So, come on down and shop till you drop.
We're open 24/7, we're the one-stop shop —
(Was that a little bit over-the-top?)
Look't, you spend it, then we'll vend it,
we'll even leave the place unattended —
we trust you that much, we know you'll pay your due,
the petty always do, and always right on cue.